Day 06 is all about fears that your submissive has. You may have noticed that fear in your submissive is causing problems in her training or behaviour. The benefits of helping her overcome her fear can be seen in opening boundaries, pushing past her limits, increasing her skills for your pleasure and the pleasure of your submissive, and even building her confidence.
Even the most courageous people have fears to overcome. Is your submissive afraid of something tangible, like spiders or heights? Maybe she fears failure, change or something else that's more difficult to pin down. No matter what it is that scares your submissive, learn how to help your submissive to acknowledge, confront and take ownership of her fear to keep it from holding your submissive back in life.
Analyze your submissive's fear let her name her fear. Sometimes fear makes itself known immediately, clearly, and other times it’s more difficult to name the cause of those anxious feelings lurking in the back of your mind.
Identify the fear as you’re paying attention to every facet of your submissive. Be aware of anything that causes your submissive to act fearful. Is it a fear of hoods, fear of isolation, fear of the flogger, fear of bruising, or even a fear of not looking attractive in your eyes?
You may be uncovering lots of other small symptoms that deal with the official underlying fear. A fear of isolation may make her fear being bound and not being able to see you’re still in the room. You as a Dominant need to look for the underlying fear to work on it.
Get your submissive to sit down and as a task ask her to write down her fears. Writing down your fear is a way to officially admit that you have a problem with that fear and you want to overcome it. Get your submissive to keep a journal page about her fears, it is a good way to track her progress as you work toward conquering her fear. It can serve as a guide for the next time your submissive has got a problem that needs to be solved. You can help your submissive to overcome fear by facing it every time it comes in her way, and, once she decides to make up her mind, her fears will slowly start to dissolve away.
You need to dig deeper and find out where did her fear come from?
Ask your submissive to answer the following questions so you as the Dominant can better understand her fear.
1] What is the history of your fear?
2] Did it begin with a negative experience?
3] Is it related to factors that affected your childhood environment?
4] For how long have you been affected by this fear?
5] What triggers your fear?
6] Is it something obvious, like the sight of a snake on a trail?
7] How does your fear affect you?
8] Does it cause you to stay in bed instead of getting up?
9] Is the source of your fear actually dangerous?
Figure out everything that triggers your submissive's fear so you can determine how far it stretches.
The paradox you’ll encounter is that the more surface fears you help her conquer the harder the next ones will seem, as they have been hidden much deeper than the top layer. Sometimes just working through the source of this emotion is enough for your submissive to learn how to overcome it. If not, move to the third step.
Devise a plan there are two major ways you can help your submissive overcome a fear through a training session: direct confrontation and desensitization.
You may want to try direct confrontation, but remember you run the risk of losing trust, the ultimate currency in this kind of relationship, so use with caution. I suggest talk to your submissive and make sure she is happy to try this step so that you are not stepping on her boundaries or limits and you have your submissions permission to be trying this step. So if she has a fear of condiments you may be able to force her to get over it by placing her directly in contact with it. Direct confrontation works when she experiences a high level of fear during the stimulus. The next time she is exposed, it will not have the same effect. Repeat this as necessary.
Try gradual desensitization. You may want to try gradually building your submissive’s tolerance to more and more of the stimulus, or getting her closer to the object of fear.
An example desensitization plan for a fear of hoods may look like this:
1] Keep the leather hood in her field of vision
2] Start with hood, untied placed just on her head for less than 3 minutes.
3] Take it off, if she did well genuinely show praise.
BUT NEVER FORCE THE ISSUE, after all we trying to help her not make her more scared.
If your submissive didn’t do as well as you hoped, still express pride that she tried to accomplish the goal for her owner. Provide aftercare.
Help your submissive to slowly take control of her fear and remember to always celebrate your submissive's victories.
No comments:
Post a Comment