Thursday, 5 May 2016
Monday, 17 August 2015
Make Your Own Golfball Gag
Golfball Gag
Materials List:
Practice golfball, plastic, with holes
Piece of leather thong, approximately 24
Emery board
Construction Details:
First, take the emery board and work on the rough edges where the two halves of the golf ball were joined. Remember it's going in someone's mouth and you don't want to cut their lips. Then pass the leather lace through two holes on opposing sides of the ball. Knot the lace on each side of the ball to keep it centered on the lace.
Play Tips:
The ball goes in the mouth, the lace ties behind the head. The holes in the ball allow for breathing, drooling, and some grunting and screaming sounds to escape. Since your partner won't as easily be able to use a safeword (if you use them), you'll need to set up a safe signal instead.
Please use a new Golfball..
Materials List:
Practice golfball, plastic, with holes
Piece of leather thong, approximately 24
Emery board
Construction Details:
First, take the emery board and work on the rough edges where the two halves of the golf ball were joined. Remember it's going in someone's mouth and you don't want to cut their lips. Then pass the leather lace through two holes on opposing sides of the ball. Knot the lace on each side of the ball to keep it centered on the lace.
Play Tips:
The ball goes in the mouth, the lace ties behind the head. The holes in the ball allow for breathing, drooling, and some grunting and screaming sounds to escape. Since your partner won't as easily be able to use a safeword (if you use them), you'll need to set up a safe signal instead.
Please use a new Golfball..
Thursday, 13 August 2015
Evaluating your submissive’s performance
Day 9 is learning about evaluating your submissive’s peformance.
Your submissive’s evaluation is based upon how well she serves, obeys and pleases you as her Dominant.
Your submissive's training involves evaluating this performance based on service. The evaluations are based on the progress and growth of a consensual submissive that agreed to training after being informed as to what is required of her.
Your submissive's service has a two part meaning; behaviour and state of mind.
Both are defined as follows:
A) Behaviour:
By completing her assigned work, and or duties for you as her Dominant.
By being able to follow all the daily orders that you as her Dominant gave to her.
This is a significant part of being a submissive.
She is given an order or command and stops what she is doing and completes that order.
It also may mean completing orders that take a period of time to complete.
It means your submissive can follow established rules and protocols that you as her Dominant have given to her to follow.
These are also known as Pre-existing guidelines for behaviour, work and duties.
This can be rules of submission, behaviour detailed in a contract, guidelines or oral prior instructions.
Being an assistant to, helping or benefiting her Dominant, like acting on behalf of or in conjunction with her Dominant, which involves her using her own judgment and intelligence for the pleasure and betterment of her Dominant.
Being a submissive is not always following orders each step of the way. It may mean that a submissive is given a general order to complete a task and all the judgment and reasoning necessary to accomplish it is hers.
Many submissive's are given positions of authority in different forms by their Dominant's. The submissive is expected to perform in this position of authority in a way that pleases to her Dominant. Being a submissive does not mean you never use your judgment or intelligence again. In fact, it usually means that you are given ways to use both.
B) State of Mind:
Being ready to help, and be useful to her Dominant, such as being flexible and available.
By the submissive, being willing, and also accepting spontaneous orders.
When, the submissive has some active devotion, to her Dominant in actual behaviour.
1] Worshiping her Dominant, loving, admiring and submitting to her Dominant. Service to her Dominant by her worship of Him is a way she shows her devotion and her submission. It is behaviour that exhibits love, admiration and submission. By worshiping her Dominant she expresses her submission, devotion and the desire for His Dominance. This may involve kneeling or face down positions, kissing His feet or other rituals.
2] Commitment to her submission.
A] A willingness to give her time, energy and effort to pleasing her Dominant and learning the skills necessary for her submission.
B] When she knows she also has a loyalty to her Dominant and honours His Dominance of her.
Observable objective of submissive training that can be evaluated is service:
The observable objective of submissive training is proper service. A Dominant can only truly judge a submissive by what His five senses reveal to Him. Try as He may, He is unable to completely see into his submissive’s mind and heart. This is one thing the submissive must accept and be honest with Him about. He can’t hear her thoughts or feel the emotions a submissive feels. He can only observe her behaviour and come to a conclusion about what He sees. Demonstrating proper behaviour is the best way a submissive can show her state of mind to her Dominant.
Many Dominant’s downplay the use of contracts, written protocols and rules. In a goal oriented training formal documentation that details what is expected is very useful. It is especially useful during early stages of training. Providing a standard that can be studied and practiced fosters positive behaviour and improves overall service. It also helps to direct her motivations.
I’m sure we all agree that providing written rules and guidelines will involve more work on the part of a Dominant. The advantage is that changes in the written guidelines are more likely to be discussed, understood and obeyed by the submissive.
If the objective is to change a submissive from her current behaviour to behaviour that enables her to serve her Dominant better and in a way that pleases Him, then written instructions are of great value. This assumes that a Dominant has a plan and is aware of what behaviour He wants from her. If this is the case, rules don’t change that often.
The evaluation of a submissive’s service is best judged upon standards that are clearly known by Dominant and submissive. An evaluation plan can be formally or informally developed for each of the areas defined as service. An evaluation of her past and present service provides a way a submissive can see her progress as well as highlighting areas that need improvement.
Training a submissive is a process of re-educating and re-socializing her to serve her Dominant. A submissive has to be educated as to how she is expected to behave and to socialize in the contract of her submission.
Your submissive’s evaluation is based upon how well she serves, obeys and pleases you as her Dominant.
Your submissive's training involves evaluating this performance based on service. The evaluations are based on the progress and growth of a consensual submissive that agreed to training after being informed as to what is required of her.
Your submissive's service has a two part meaning; behaviour and state of mind.
Both are defined as follows:
A) Behaviour:
By completing her assigned work, and or duties for you as her Dominant.
By being able to follow all the daily orders that you as her Dominant gave to her.
This is a significant part of being a submissive.
She is given an order or command and stops what she is doing and completes that order.
It also may mean completing orders that take a period of time to complete.
It means your submissive can follow established rules and protocols that you as her Dominant have given to her to follow.
These are also known as Pre-existing guidelines for behaviour, work and duties.
This can be rules of submission, behaviour detailed in a contract, guidelines or oral prior instructions.
Being an assistant to, helping or benefiting her Dominant, like acting on behalf of or in conjunction with her Dominant, which involves her using her own judgment and intelligence for the pleasure and betterment of her Dominant.
Being a submissive is not always following orders each step of the way. It may mean that a submissive is given a general order to complete a task and all the judgment and reasoning necessary to accomplish it is hers.
Many submissive's are given positions of authority in different forms by their Dominant's. The submissive is expected to perform in this position of authority in a way that pleases to her Dominant. Being a submissive does not mean you never use your judgment or intelligence again. In fact, it usually means that you are given ways to use both.
B) State of Mind:
Being ready to help, and be useful to her Dominant, such as being flexible and available.
By the submissive, being willing, and also accepting spontaneous orders.
When, the submissive has some active devotion, to her Dominant in actual behaviour.
1] Worshiping her Dominant, loving, admiring and submitting to her Dominant. Service to her Dominant by her worship of Him is a way she shows her devotion and her submission. It is behaviour that exhibits love, admiration and submission. By worshiping her Dominant she expresses her submission, devotion and the desire for His Dominance. This may involve kneeling or face down positions, kissing His feet or other rituals.
2] Commitment to her submission.
A] A willingness to give her time, energy and effort to pleasing her Dominant and learning the skills necessary for her submission.
B] When she knows she also has a loyalty to her Dominant and honours His Dominance of her.
Observable objective of submissive training that can be evaluated is service:
The observable objective of submissive training is proper service. A Dominant can only truly judge a submissive by what His five senses reveal to Him. Try as He may, He is unable to completely see into his submissive’s mind and heart. This is one thing the submissive must accept and be honest with Him about. He can’t hear her thoughts or feel the emotions a submissive feels. He can only observe her behaviour and come to a conclusion about what He sees. Demonstrating proper behaviour is the best way a submissive can show her state of mind to her Dominant.
Many Dominant’s downplay the use of contracts, written protocols and rules. In a goal oriented training formal documentation that details what is expected is very useful. It is especially useful during early stages of training. Providing a standard that can be studied and practiced fosters positive behaviour and improves overall service. It also helps to direct her motivations.
I’m sure we all agree that providing written rules and guidelines will involve more work on the part of a Dominant. The advantage is that changes in the written guidelines are more likely to be discussed, understood and obeyed by the submissive.
If the objective is to change a submissive from her current behaviour to behaviour that enables her to serve her Dominant better and in a way that pleases Him, then written instructions are of great value. This assumes that a Dominant has a plan and is aware of what behaviour He wants from her. If this is the case, rules don’t change that often.
The evaluation of a submissive’s service is best judged upon standards that are clearly known by Dominant and submissive. An evaluation plan can be formally or informally developed for each of the areas defined as service. An evaluation of her past and present service provides a way a submissive can see her progress as well as highlighting areas that need improvement.
Training a submissive is a process of re-educating and re-socializing her to serve her Dominant. A submissive has to be educated as to how she is expected to behave and to socialize in the contract of her submission.
Wednesday, 12 August 2015
Rules Part 2
Rules – Part 2. - Rules when together alone with Dominant.
Day 08 is still all about rules, but the rules today are for when you and your submissive are alone in one another's presence. Today you can read through them and decide what ones you want to use and perhaps change some to suit your needs and don’t forget to add a few of your own.
1] As my submissive, you will ask to depart Master's presence, whether it is physical, by phone, or virtual, for any reason.
2] As my submissive, even though you submit to me, you are in fact my equal. If you feel that you are being treated unfairly physically or emotionally, you will let me know IMMEDIATELY.
3] As my submissive, you will always refer to me your Dominant as either, “Master” Sir or “my Master”.
4] As my submissive, if you are too ill, tasks and activities may be postponed until further notice.
5] As my submissive, you will present your body for my pleasure in the positions given to you by me.
6] As my submissive, if you are unsure, you will ask. You will not be punished for not understanding.
7] As my submissive, you are to wear the clothing I choose, or approve for you on such day.
Tuesday, 11 August 2015
Rules Part 1
Rules – Part 1. - General Rules
Day 07 is all about rules, so we went on a search for some general rules that most Dominant's use and came up with some for you, so today you can read through them and decide what ones you want to use and perhaps change some to suit your needs or you can add a few of your own on.
1] As my submissive, you are to communicate with me as your Dominant when you are distressed in any way.
2] As my submissive, you will to the best of your ability follow all rules, guidelines, and rituals that I as your Dominant have put in place.
3] As my submissive, you are always in submission towards me as your Dominant whether I am present or not.
4] As my submissive, you are to be completely obedient at all times, whether I am present or not. When you fight against it or against me as your Dominant in any way, no matter how subtle, you only hurt the relationship with me your Dominant and yourself.
5] As my submissive, you will always be honest and respectful to me as your Dominant. Even when you think I am in the wrong, you will be respectful in your tone, actions and mannerisms.
6] As my submissive, you are to submit even when you do not understand, you do not want to, or do not agree, because you know I as your Dominant will always do what is best for you. Your submissive nature is a part of your very existence. As the submissive you will work hard to remove the blocks that stand in your way of fully submitting to me as your Dominant in every way. Only through submission can you find your true self.
7] As my submissive, you will wear the collar I have given to you with pride, for it signifies my ownership to you and your devotion to me as your Dominant.
8] As my submissive, you will always speak in a quiet and respectful tone to me as your Dominant. Your eyes must be cast down in the presence of your Dominant unless you are given permission to do otherwise or if I do not want you to look down.
9] As my submissive, you will maintain a healthy diet and healthy body as you are taking care of what belongs to your Dominant.
10] As my submissive, you will keep your home clean and tidy at all times (If living with the Dominant then, as my submissive, you will keep my home clean and tidy at all times).
11] As my submissive, you will keep yourself shaven at all times, whether I am around or not. You will keep yourself clean, smelling nice and attractive at all times.
12] As my submissive, you will maintain a submissive journal for me as your Dominant on a daily basis.
13] As my submissive, you will ask me as your Dominant for permission to satisfy any need you have before acting upon it, regardless of what it is. Sexual activity of any kind requires my permission. The privilege of climaxing is the sole discretion of the Dominant as well. To receive pleasure is at the whim of your Dominant.
14] As my submissive, you must spend a portion of your day in contemplation of your submission and me as your Dominant. It is to be done before bed, during which time you will repeat your submissive mantra a few times. This will be done by you wearing nothing but my collar.
15] As my submissive, you are encouraged to ask, in a respectful manner, about questions, concerns, guidance when things are unclear, or for what you need to continue your growth. As your Dominant I allow room for consideration before a decision is made, but once made it is my final say.
16] As my submissive, your limits will be respected, yet you are to trust me as your Dominant to take you past them when I feel that you are ready.
17] As my submissive, you will endure whatever discipline or punishment I as your Dominant gives you so you can become a better submissive for me, for you have much to learn in order to become a well-trained and well-behaved submissive.
Day 07 is all about rules, so we went on a search for some general rules that most Dominant's use and came up with some for you, so today you can read through them and decide what ones you want to use and perhaps change some to suit your needs or you can add a few of your own on.
1] As my submissive, you are to communicate with me as your Dominant when you are distressed in any way.
2] As my submissive, you will to the best of your ability follow all rules, guidelines, and rituals that I as your Dominant have put in place.
3] As my submissive, you are always in submission towards me as your Dominant whether I am present or not.
4] As my submissive, you are to be completely obedient at all times, whether I am present or not. When you fight against it or against me as your Dominant in any way, no matter how subtle, you only hurt the relationship with me your Dominant and yourself.
5] As my submissive, you will always be honest and respectful to me as your Dominant. Even when you think I am in the wrong, you will be respectful in your tone, actions and mannerisms.
6] As my submissive, you are to submit even when you do not understand, you do not want to, or do not agree, because you know I as your Dominant will always do what is best for you. Your submissive nature is a part of your very existence. As the submissive you will work hard to remove the blocks that stand in your way of fully submitting to me as your Dominant in every way. Only through submission can you find your true self.
7] As my submissive, you will wear the collar I have given to you with pride, for it signifies my ownership to you and your devotion to me as your Dominant.
8] As my submissive, you will always speak in a quiet and respectful tone to me as your Dominant. Your eyes must be cast down in the presence of your Dominant unless you are given permission to do otherwise or if I do not want you to look down.
9] As my submissive, you will maintain a healthy diet and healthy body as you are taking care of what belongs to your Dominant.
10] As my submissive, you will keep your home clean and tidy at all times (If living with the Dominant then, as my submissive, you will keep my home clean and tidy at all times).
11] As my submissive, you will keep yourself shaven at all times, whether I am around or not. You will keep yourself clean, smelling nice and attractive at all times.
12] As my submissive, you will maintain a submissive journal for me as your Dominant on a daily basis.
13] As my submissive, you will ask me as your Dominant for permission to satisfy any need you have before acting upon it, regardless of what it is. Sexual activity of any kind requires my permission. The privilege of climaxing is the sole discretion of the Dominant as well. To receive pleasure is at the whim of your Dominant.
14] As my submissive, you must spend a portion of your day in contemplation of your submission and me as your Dominant. It is to be done before bed, during which time you will repeat your submissive mantra a few times. This will be done by you wearing nothing but my collar.
15] As my submissive, you are encouraged to ask, in a respectful manner, about questions, concerns, guidance when things are unclear, or for what you need to continue your growth. As your Dominant I allow room for consideration before a decision is made, but once made it is my final say.
16] As my submissive, your limits will be respected, yet you are to trust me as your Dominant to take you past them when I feel that you are ready.
17] As my submissive, you will endure whatever discipline or punishment I as your Dominant gives you so you can become a better submissive for me, for you have much to learn in order to become a well-trained and well-behaved submissive.
Monday, 10 August 2015
Reduce Fear
Reduce Fear in your submissive
Day 06 is all about fears that your submissive has. You may have noticed that fear in your submissive is causing problems in her training or behaviour. The benefits of helping her overcome her fear can be seen in opening boundaries, pushing past her limits, increasing her skills for your pleasure and the pleasure of your submissive, and even building her confidence.
Even the most courageous people have fears to overcome. Is your submissive afraid of something tangible, like spiders or heights? Maybe she fears failure, change or something else that's more difficult to pin down. No matter what it is that scares your submissive, learn how to help your submissive to acknowledge, confront and take ownership of her fear to keep it from holding your submissive back in life.
Analyze your submissive's fear let her name her fear. Sometimes fear makes itself known immediately, clearly, and other times it’s more difficult to name the cause of those anxious feelings lurking in the back of your mind.
Identify the fear as you’re paying attention to every facet of your submissive. Be aware of anything that causes your submissive to act fearful. Is it a fear of hoods, fear of isolation, fear of the flogger, fear of bruising, or even a fear of not looking attractive in your eyes?
You may be uncovering lots of other small symptoms that deal with the official underlying fear. A fear of isolation may make her fear being bound and not being able to see you’re still in the room. You as a Dominant need to look for the underlying fear to work on it.
Get your submissive to sit down and as a task ask her to write down her fears. Writing down your fear is a way to officially admit that you have a problem with that fear and you want to overcome it. Get your submissive to keep a journal page about her fears, it is a good way to track her progress as you work toward conquering her fear. It can serve as a guide for the next time your submissive has got a problem that needs to be solved. You can help your submissive to overcome fear by facing it every time it comes in her way, and, once she decides to make up her mind, her fears will slowly start to dissolve away.
You need to dig deeper and find out where did her fear come from?
Ask your submissive to answer the following questions so you as the Dominant can better understand her fear.
1] What is the history of your fear?
2] Did it begin with a negative experience?
3] Is it related to factors that affected your childhood environment?
4] For how long have you been affected by this fear?
5] What triggers your fear?
6] Is it something obvious, like the sight of a snake on a trail?
7] How does your fear affect you?
8] Does it cause you to stay in bed instead of getting up?
9] Is the source of your fear actually dangerous?
Figure out everything that triggers your submissive's fear so you can determine how far it stretches.
The paradox you’ll encounter is that the more surface fears you help her conquer the harder the next ones will seem, as they have been hidden much deeper than the top layer. Sometimes just working through the source of this emotion is enough for your submissive to learn how to overcome it. If not, move to the third step.
Devise a plan there are two major ways you can help your submissive overcome a fear through a training session: direct confrontation and desensitization.
You may want to try direct confrontation, but remember you run the risk of losing trust, the ultimate currency in this kind of relationship, so use with caution. I suggest talk to your submissive and make sure she is happy to try this step so that you are not stepping on her boundaries or limits and you have your submissions permission to be trying this step. So if she has a fear of condiments you may be able to force her to get over it by placing her directly in contact with it. Direct confrontation works when she experiences a high level of fear during the stimulus. The next time she is exposed, it will not have the same effect. Repeat this as necessary.
Try gradual desensitization. You may want to try gradually building your submissive’s tolerance to more and more of the stimulus, or getting her closer to the object of fear.
An example desensitization plan for a fear of hoods may look like this:
1] Keep the leather hood in her field of vision
2] Start with hood, untied placed just on her head for less than 3 minutes.
3] Take it off, if she did well genuinely show praise.
BUT NEVER FORCE THE ISSUE, after all we trying to help her not make her more scared.
If your submissive didn’t do as well as you hoped, still express pride that she tried to accomplish the goal for her owner. Provide aftercare.
Help your submissive to slowly take control of her fear and remember to always celebrate your submissive's victories.
Day 06 is all about fears that your submissive has. You may have noticed that fear in your submissive is causing problems in her training or behaviour. The benefits of helping her overcome her fear can be seen in opening boundaries, pushing past her limits, increasing her skills for your pleasure and the pleasure of your submissive, and even building her confidence.
Even the most courageous people have fears to overcome. Is your submissive afraid of something tangible, like spiders or heights? Maybe she fears failure, change or something else that's more difficult to pin down. No matter what it is that scares your submissive, learn how to help your submissive to acknowledge, confront and take ownership of her fear to keep it from holding your submissive back in life.
Analyze your submissive's fear let her name her fear. Sometimes fear makes itself known immediately, clearly, and other times it’s more difficult to name the cause of those anxious feelings lurking in the back of your mind.
Identify the fear as you’re paying attention to every facet of your submissive. Be aware of anything that causes your submissive to act fearful. Is it a fear of hoods, fear of isolation, fear of the flogger, fear of bruising, or even a fear of not looking attractive in your eyes?
You may be uncovering lots of other small symptoms that deal with the official underlying fear. A fear of isolation may make her fear being bound and not being able to see you’re still in the room. You as a Dominant need to look for the underlying fear to work on it.
Get your submissive to sit down and as a task ask her to write down her fears. Writing down your fear is a way to officially admit that you have a problem with that fear and you want to overcome it. Get your submissive to keep a journal page about her fears, it is a good way to track her progress as you work toward conquering her fear. It can serve as a guide for the next time your submissive has got a problem that needs to be solved. You can help your submissive to overcome fear by facing it every time it comes in her way, and, once she decides to make up her mind, her fears will slowly start to dissolve away.
You need to dig deeper and find out where did her fear come from?
Ask your submissive to answer the following questions so you as the Dominant can better understand her fear.
1] What is the history of your fear?
2] Did it begin with a negative experience?
3] Is it related to factors that affected your childhood environment?
4] For how long have you been affected by this fear?
5] What triggers your fear?
6] Is it something obvious, like the sight of a snake on a trail?
7] How does your fear affect you?
8] Does it cause you to stay in bed instead of getting up?
9] Is the source of your fear actually dangerous?
Figure out everything that triggers your submissive's fear so you can determine how far it stretches.
The paradox you’ll encounter is that the more surface fears you help her conquer the harder the next ones will seem, as they have been hidden much deeper than the top layer. Sometimes just working through the source of this emotion is enough for your submissive to learn how to overcome it. If not, move to the third step.
Devise a plan there are two major ways you can help your submissive overcome a fear through a training session: direct confrontation and desensitization.
You may want to try direct confrontation, but remember you run the risk of losing trust, the ultimate currency in this kind of relationship, so use with caution. I suggest talk to your submissive and make sure she is happy to try this step so that you are not stepping on her boundaries or limits and you have your submissions permission to be trying this step. So if she has a fear of condiments you may be able to force her to get over it by placing her directly in contact with it. Direct confrontation works when she experiences a high level of fear during the stimulus. The next time she is exposed, it will not have the same effect. Repeat this as necessary.
Try gradual desensitization. You may want to try gradually building your submissive’s tolerance to more and more of the stimulus, or getting her closer to the object of fear.
An example desensitization plan for a fear of hoods may look like this:
1] Keep the leather hood in her field of vision
2] Start with hood, untied placed just on her head for less than 3 minutes.
3] Take it off, if she did well genuinely show praise.
BUT NEVER FORCE THE ISSUE, after all we trying to help her not make her more scared.
If your submissive didn’t do as well as you hoped, still express pride that she tried to accomplish the goal for her owner. Provide aftercare.
Help your submissive to slowly take control of her fear and remember to always celebrate your submissive's victories.
Sunday, 9 August 2015
Trust
On Day 5 let's learn about trust when training a submissive and the important of a submissive’s trust in her Dominant during submissive training can’t be overstated.
Even though this word is only five letters, it is very big in its meaning and in its function. In the world of D/s trust is the foundation upon which everything else is built. Building trust should be a training consideration for a Dominant.
So submission, in the terms of a BDSM relationship is the conscious transference of a submission to her Dominant. The submissive becomes His in body, mind and spirit by the means of consensual giving. So trust is necessary and important during the submissive training.
Trust has to be earned. If the Dominant stands behind the submissive and the submissive falls backward, trusting the Dominant to catch them before crashing to the floor that’s trusting in someone and BDSM is similar, the myth is that it’s abusive and weird whips and chains. Actually it’s about trust. When trust trumps the possibility of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic.
Trust that goes deeper, the kind that means you would trust your very life (for REAL) to someone, is not a trust that can be built in just days or weeks. This much deeper level of trust can often take years to establish, and honesty is its foundation.
A Dominant can’t order his submissive to trust him, only His actions over time allow her to trust Him. Many aspects of submissive training are geared to building trust.
She must believe she can trust her Dominant with her present and future.
Only then can she truly give herself as His properly.
In addition a Dominant must feel he can trust this submissive trainee.
Remember that trust is a two edged sword.
Trust, like love doesn't happen instantly. Yes, we have all learned to develop a bit of an instinct or inner feeling, and for most of us, more often than not, if we follow those feelings we'll find we're right. But true unquestioned trust will take time to establish.
Whether it is trusting limits will be respected, trusting of judgment in making decisions, or trusting in aftercare and follow thru, there are a wide and diverse range of issues to be considered. Whatever the cost, whatever the effort involved, both the Dominant and the submissive must make every effort to always be open and very candid.
Before a submissive can give herself completely to her Dominant she must know that she can TRUST Him. The submissive must be able to trust the Dominant to respect the submissive's limits, and that He will not hurt the submissive, the submissive must know that the Dominant will always have safety first on His mind, and will not leave the submissive without the basic necessities of life. The Dominant must be able to trust the submissive to carry out the needed tasks, obey, please, and to be fully faithful and safe in the same way that He, as a Dominant, is expected to do.
TRUST means that she has learned that her Dominant will do the following.....
1] The Dominant has the knowledge and skills necessary to train her.
2] The Dominant will keep her safe at all times.
3] The Dominant will accept ownership of her.
4] The Dominant will structure her service in a way that she feels useful.
5] The Dominant will always respect her safe words or signals.
Can you think of a few more a write them down?
Full and complete trust in your partner will be the difference between a successful D/s relationship and a relationship filled with hurt, fear and anger.
So what happens when you in an online Dominant/submissive relationship?
TRUST is the only answer because in most relationships, the Dominant provides a formal structure that the submissive must adhere to. If the relationship is long distance, the Dominant only has the submissive's word that they are adhering to boundaries, and truly performing tasks established by the Dominant. The Dominant must trust in the submissive's word that they are doing as they are directed. Sometimes, it is so tempting to merely say, "Yes, I did or didn't do something," when in reality you are telling a lie to make your life a little easier. The submissive also has to trust that the Dominant will fulfil their responsibilities to the submissive. If the Dominant does not fulfil these responsibilities, the submissive may slowly start to rebel, often not realizing what they are doing until it is too late. The decisions and choices you make with respect to unsupervised obedience will be your own.
Even though this word is only five letters, it is very big in its meaning and in its function. In the world of D/s trust is the foundation upon which everything else is built. Building trust should be a training consideration for a Dominant.
So submission, in the terms of a BDSM relationship is the conscious transference of a submission to her Dominant. The submissive becomes His in body, mind and spirit by the means of consensual giving. So trust is necessary and important during the submissive training.
Trust has to be earned. If the Dominant stands behind the submissive and the submissive falls backward, trusting the Dominant to catch them before crashing to the floor that’s trusting in someone and BDSM is similar, the myth is that it’s abusive and weird whips and chains. Actually it’s about trust. When trust trumps the possibility of harm, the result can feel incredibly intimate and erotic.
Trust that goes deeper, the kind that means you would trust your very life (for REAL) to someone, is not a trust that can be built in just days or weeks. This much deeper level of trust can often take years to establish, and honesty is its foundation.
A Dominant can’t order his submissive to trust him, only His actions over time allow her to trust Him. Many aspects of submissive training are geared to building trust.
She must believe she can trust her Dominant with her present and future.
Only then can she truly give herself as His properly.
In addition a Dominant must feel he can trust this submissive trainee.
Remember that trust is a two edged sword.
Trust, like love doesn't happen instantly. Yes, we have all learned to develop a bit of an instinct or inner feeling, and for most of us, more often than not, if we follow those feelings we'll find we're right. But true unquestioned trust will take time to establish.
Whether it is trusting limits will be respected, trusting of judgment in making decisions, or trusting in aftercare and follow thru, there are a wide and diverse range of issues to be considered. Whatever the cost, whatever the effort involved, both the Dominant and the submissive must make every effort to always be open and very candid.
Before a submissive can give herself completely to her Dominant she must know that she can TRUST Him. The submissive must be able to trust the Dominant to respect the submissive's limits, and that He will not hurt the submissive, the submissive must know that the Dominant will always have safety first on His mind, and will not leave the submissive without the basic necessities of life. The Dominant must be able to trust the submissive to carry out the needed tasks, obey, please, and to be fully faithful and safe in the same way that He, as a Dominant, is expected to do.
TRUST means that she has learned that her Dominant will do the following.....
1] The Dominant has the knowledge and skills necessary to train her.
2] The Dominant will keep her safe at all times.
3] The Dominant will accept ownership of her.
4] The Dominant will structure her service in a way that she feels useful.
5] The Dominant will always respect her safe words or signals.
Can you think of a few more a write them down?
Full and complete trust in your partner will be the difference between a successful D/s relationship and a relationship filled with hurt, fear and anger.
So what happens when you in an online Dominant/submissive relationship?
TRUST is the only answer because in most relationships, the Dominant provides a formal structure that the submissive must adhere to. If the relationship is long distance, the Dominant only has the submissive's word that they are adhering to boundaries, and truly performing tasks established by the Dominant. The Dominant must trust in the submissive's word that they are doing as they are directed. Sometimes, it is so tempting to merely say, "Yes, I did or didn't do something," when in reality you are telling a lie to make your life a little easier. The submissive also has to trust that the Dominant will fulfil their responsibilities to the submissive. If the Dominant does not fulfil these responsibilities, the submissive may slowly start to rebel, often not realizing what they are doing until it is too late. The decisions and choices you make with respect to unsupervised obedience will be your own.
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